If someone leaves you a message along the lines of, “I need to talk to you about something” and does not indicate what it’s about, there is an 82% percent chance that what they need to talk to you about is actually pretty trivial.
If it exists, there is a 47% chance that there is a sexy Halloween costume version of it.
“Maybe” means “no” 68% of the time.
If someone uses the word “decimate,” there is a 99.9% chance they mean “almost destroyed” as opposed to “reduced by ten percent.”
Managers have a 77% chance of using nouns as verbs and verbs as nouns.
There is a 65% chance that you have rolled your window up or changed the station at a stoplight so the other drivers wouldn’t know what you had been listening to.
There is a 98% chance that, “We realize this is just an estimate; we won’t hold you to it,” is another way of saying, “We will totally hold you to it.”