Feb 172014
lol on a candy heart

lol on a candy heart (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I spent Valentine’s Day re-enacting all the Hoth scenes from “The Empire Strikes Back” trapped in a hotel/airport in Alexandria, VA.  That lady sure got upset when I sliced her luggage open and crawled inside.

One thing that was in abundance even in such romance-starved wastelands as the airport were candy hearts.  You know the kind I mean – the chalky, vaguely flavored candies that taste mostly like they were molded from bat cartilage.  They have the printed sayings on them like “Be Mine” or “Kiss Me” or any number of things you don’t feel like being or doing after someone has given you one of these to express their feelings.  Most of them were pretty nondescript, but I got some messages that I wasn’t sure were entirely appropriate candy heart material, listed below:

  1. Stop Crying
  3. Look Behind You
  4. Is That Your Sister? Hello!
  5. Show Me Your Relevant Genetalia
  6. Candy Organ Donor
  7. Ate the Last Granola Bar
  8. Choke On This
  9. This is the Only Hard Thing in my Pocket
  10. F = ma
  11. Help Me
  12. No Message Due to Ennui
  13. Give ‘Em Hell
  14. Settle
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