Oct 252013
 

In many ways, it is like one of your toys, but a toy for adults.

Johnny

Original drawing of Johnny Five-Aces

In 2006, a man on the SomethingAwful forums had a vision.  This vision was to solicit volunteers on this forum to create the best computer RPG to date.  This RPG was “The Zybourne Clock.”

When the object enters the timestream, time begins to correct itself. Let me use this example: Imagine four balls on the edge of a cliff. Say a direct copy of the ball nearest the cliff is sent to the back of the line of balls and takes the place of the first ball. The formerly first ball becomes the second, the second becomes the third, and the fourth falls off the cliff.

Time works the same way.

In a very short time, the project produced a prodigious amount of material consisting mostly of bad game ideas, poor artwork, and horrifically written prose (a later parody would introduce the character Dr. Malaprop because of the vast amount of malapropisms).  Any kind of criticism was met with harsh resistance and removal from the project.  Unfortunately, the group’s single programmer fell to this Damoclesian sword after two weeks.

You always had a pension for the dramatic, Johnny.

Once the project materials leaked, the SomethingAwful forums at large had a field day writing parodies, creating “fan art,” and even a fake game trailer and interview.  In fact, far more effort and material has been produced making fun of the Zybourne Clock than was ever produced as actual game content.  Even to this day, it’s very difficult to tell the difference between parody material and original material, mostly because the original material was so colossally bad.

Next few things I want to cover. The change mood command will change the selected characters mood at random. It can only be used once in battle. You can also use an item to change a characters mood by using an item or by seeing a Psychologist. Okay, Ill let you do the rest! Look forward to our next and final installment of tutorials, Timesynch!

Oh yeah one more thing.

Anger <> Hurt

Tense <> Nervous

Happy <> Sad

This Friday, for your entertainment, dear readers, I present you with the keys – the keys to a door – a door to space, and a door to time.  Open this door carefully, for this door, the door you behold and are about to enter through the door, has on its other side nothing other than the Zybourne Clock.

The answer came to me while reading an article out of a Science magazine that I had picked up about 2 years ago. The article basically summarized how the planet got to its current point in its evolutionary cycle and where it had started. It compared key points of life over 20 millenia and now. I sat there in and thought about the article for a good 3 hours. If we could subtely alter the cycle at which the planet terraforms and speed up human evolution, we could, possibly make humanity advance far past wars in a few millenia’s time. My heart jumped into my throat as I ran through the bay doors to tell my colleagues that I had finally found a safe way to alter the way the timeline to such a degree as to not rip a hole in time itself.

As I looked around the room, my excitement faded. All of them looked as if they had just became very ill.

“Doctor, you understand if we do this, We will fade from existance as the timeline corrects itself.” One of my colleagues said in the grimest manner I had ever heard him speak before.

I began to turn pale, and dizzy. I quickly found a chair and used the magazine (that I was subsequently still clutching) to fan myself.

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